Real Reasons People Marry Wrongly

In the school of marriage your choice is your life. Your partner in marriage determines your place in destiny, because your partner is like your magnet drawing you to God or drawing you to hell. A lot of colourful destinies have been terminated as a result of wrong partners.

Samson, that great and highly anointed man of God, fell as a result of a wrong partner. His destiny was short-circuited; he was mocked and put to shame as a result of his wrong choice. Abigail, a woman of good understanding married a foolish and wicked husband (1 Samuel 25:3). The resultant family was almost destroyed because of the conduct of the husband. Beloved, beware. Take heed, that you may not enter into the trap of the devil and marry the wrong person. Here are some reasons why people marry wrongly:

WRONG FOUNDATION: Building engineers made us to understand that, it is the strength of the foundation that will determine how strong a house will be. If the foundation is faulty the house can’t stand. If the foundation is destroyed what can the righteous do? Friends, Jesus Christ is the solid foundation for an enduring marriage. In your search for whom to marry, let Jesus have his place. Let his Word and standard influence your decision.

ATTEMPTING TO CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON: If you are a child of God, a believer in Christ, you need to go for people of like-minds in the same faith! Don’t think you can change anybody after marriage. Only God has power to change people. The scripture says, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness and what communion has light with darkness?” God’s Word is superior to your emotion or knowledge; you can’t be wiser than the only wise God.

SUCCUMBING TO PARENTAL PRESSURE: You must understand that your parent do not have the power to choose for you. No one should be allowed to use your destiny to settle friendship. When Rebecca was to go and marry Isaac, her parent called her to seek her consent. Genesis 24:58 says “And they called Rebecca and said unto her, will thou go with this man? And she said I will go”. The parent of Rebecca didn’t force her. Don’t allow anyone to force you. The Word of God says in Proverb 18:22 “Whosoever finds a wife, found a good thing and obtain favor from the Lord”. It is the duty of every man to find his own wife.

TRIBAL PREJUDICE: As a believer, we all belong to the same family, the same tribe. Once you are in Christ, there is no difference between the Jews and the Greek. Don’t rule out any tribe when it comes to marriage, the most important thing is that your partner should be washed in the Blood of Jesus.

HASTY DECISION: Marriage is an institution where many are rushing into while many want to rush out. You must therefore look before you leap. To hook on to someone just because you want to get married as soon as possible, can be very dangerous. “He that hasteth with his feet sinneth”. Why must you take foolish decision like that of Samson who saw Delilah and married her. (Judges16:4). He didn’t bother to know much about Delilah, what a hasty decision. Let God go before you and guide you, and in the name of Jesus, it shall be well.

AGE: Marrying any one just because age is not longer on your side is very wrong. You’ve got to understand that for every Eve God has made, there is an Adam, and for every Adam, God has created an Eve.  If you are a lady, understand that God is not wicked. Definitely, your own Adam will come, and if you are a brother, you must know that God loves you and surely your Eve will come. Don’t force yourself on any man. Adam was relaxing when Eve was brought to him, therefore relax.

TOO MUCH CLOSENESS: When you are too close to a brother or a sister, your emotions may deceive you to think you are meant for each other, and bring you into a relationship you are not set for. Amos 3:3 said “Can two walk together except they be agreed”? Even if the two of you are not in agreement before, by the time you become too close, what you don’t expect may happen.

PHYSICAL BEAUTY: Beauty is deceptive. What sustains marriage is beyond sight. To go into marriage because of physical beauty is to destroy your future home. If you marry anybody because of his or her appearance alone and something happen to that good shape, what will you do? Allow God to lead you. Don’t lead yourself into any unwholesome relationship because of physical beauty. Remember that good shape will soon go, that fine face of today may become wrinkled tomorrow. If that beauty is your only reason for marriage, you are in trouble.

MATERIALISM: “And he said unto them; beware of covetousness for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.” (Luke12:15). If you do not want to end your life in shame you must not marry anybody because of his property or possession. You want to marry an unbeliever because of his posh car, believing that after marriage you will change him? Don’t make that mistake please, it is very dangerous.

PROPHETIC TRAP: Marrying because of the utterance of a prophet is dangerous. You have your live to live, live it well. If you are a genuine child of God you have the Spirit of God who can give you a green or a red light. Beware of the prophet whose own family is in disarray! Okay, how can someone with five wives prophesy you into a good home?

PEER PRESSURE: The fact that your mates, friends and colleagues have gone ahead of you in marriage does not mean that you should jump into marriage. Every man has his own destiny. Don’t be a fool! Just because all your mates are getting married does not mean you should force yourself on just anybody.

LONELINESS: Marriage does not completely deliver one from loneliness. So, to go into marriage as a cure to loneliness is completely wrong. I’ve heard people say they are going to marry so that they can be free from loneliness. If this is the only reason why you want to marry, you may fail. Loneliness is a matter of the mind. You can be among ten people and still feel lonely.

SOCIAL PRESSURE: When you are too concerned about the word of men and not the Word of God, you may ruin your own life. Look, the world around you may see your singleness as a defeat, but how you see yourself is what matters most. To allow people’s opinion to force you into any relationship that is not of God will ruin your life, because marriage is life.

REPEATED DISAPPOINTMENTS: If you rush into marriage because you have been disappointed for up to three or four times you may rush out again. According to Proverb 24:16 “For a just man falleth seven time, and riseth up again…” The fact that you were disappointed twice last year does not mean you should marry just anybody as fast as you can!

SPIRITUAL WEAKNESS: When you are weak spiritually you are opening the doors of your life to the devil and his agents who may come in and deceive you into a wrong relationship. I have seen situations where people were charmed into marriage. Look you need spiritual strength so as to prevent any devil from hypnotizing you into any marital bond you are not interested in.

INSENSITIVITY TO LIES AND DECEPTION: Are you a lady eager to get married? Then don’t throw away your common sense. Be at alert. Get ready to discern lies and gross deception. Don’t give in to sugar-coated life stories. Don’t let any man who just met you last month tell you he cannot sleep because of you! Let no one play with your emotions. Be strong and be sensitive.

PRIDE: “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” (Luke 16:18). If you think you are too much, your partner may elude you. Don’t over-estimate your beauty. Live in humility. Vashti was dethroned as a result of pride. God himself resist the proud and he giveth grace to the humble. When you are proud, you are living outside the grace of God and Apostle Paul said I am what I am by the grace of God. Without the grace of God you are useless.

PRAYERLESSNESS: A prayer-less Christian is a powerless Christian. “Watch and pray that ye enter not into temptation…” (Matthew 26:41). The only way to escape the trap of the devil in marriage is through effective prayer. God must be talked to; He is still directing the affairs of men. “Hitherto have ye asked anything in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.” (John 16:24). For your joy to be full in marriage you must commune with God through effective prayer.

INDISCIPLINE:  When you cannot discipline yourself, you may end up marrying the wrong person. Discipline yourself in the way you relate with the members of the opposite sex.  Try to control the way you move around, it is not everywhere you are invited to that you must go. And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land. And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.” (Genesis 34:1-2). Here, Dinah was defiled because she could not discipline herself.

FEAR OF THE POWERS OF DARKNESS: “...and hath raised us up together, in heavenly place in Christ Jesus”. (Ephesians 2:6). Where you are sitting now is the heavenly place, far above principalities and power. I have seen people complaining I don’t want to marry a witch and eventually they end up marrying an Ogbanje, why? Because what you fear will ultimately come to pass. “For the thing which I greatly fear is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come to me.” (Job 3:25).

LIVING IN DISOBEDIENCE:  “…behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams”. (1 Samuel 15:22b). If you are living in perpetual disobedience God will not be compelled to guide you. Until you obey the last instruction from heaven, you should not expect to receive any further instruction. Meanwhile, if there is no instruction there will be no direction, and if there is no direction, wrong marriage is inevitable.

EVIL ASSOCIATION: “…be not deceived; evil communications corrupt good manner.” (1 Corinthians 15:3). Your companion can influence you into a wrong relationship. To marry according to God’s plan therefore, you must watch the kind of friends you move with. A wise man once said “Bad company is a disease, he who lies with dogs shall rise with lice” You have a choice. You can decide on the kind of friend you want to move with.  Remember, friendship is not by force but by choice. Refuse any attempt by anyone to “fix” you up or organize a wife for you.

BLACKMAIL: You do not imprison yourself because of your past experience. That you have been involved in immoral acts with someone and he/she is now threatening to tell everyone what you have done together is not enough reason to be wrongly married to him.  “If you don’t marry me l will tell everyone what you have done and I will expose you.” That’s cheap blackmail. Understand that there is no saint without a past and there is no sinner without a future. To sink yourself into any unwholesome relationship because of your past is unwise.

PREGNANCY: The fact that you made the mistake of getting pregnant for somebody when you were still an unbeliever and the issue of wedding has not come up between the two of you, does not means you should be coerced into marriage. If you will be patient and settled, you can still get God’s best for your life. Try to discern what God is putting across into your mind and it shall be well.

IMMORAL DRESSING:  Immoral dressing does not attract, rather it repels. It has been said that like attract like. When you are the type that will always expose your body definitely people coming to you cannot be the serious type. Your dressing determines your company. When you always dress to kill, you will end up marrying a killer. “…Let not your nakedness be discovered.” (Exodus 20:26). When material things are over-exposed, they lose value. When you always dress like an harlot definitely you will end up marring an adulterer.

MARRYING OUT OF PITY: To marry someone because you pity him/her and believe that, that is the only way you can help him is wrong. Marriage is not a pity ride; it is a life and death issue.

WAY OF ESCAPE: Never get into marriage as a means of escaping family pressure, financial responsibility and social insult. Marriage is honourable when you enter into it at the right time. Settle down what the mind of God is concerning your life for now, then go ahead and take the necessary steps.  In the Name of Jesus you will laugh.

RASH VOW OR UNWHOLESOME COVENANT: Vowing that you will marry the first person to have sex with you is not only rash but senseless. You must not be involved in what you will forever regret. Furthermore all those childish blood-licking between two people, should not force you into eternal bondage. You can always call on spiritual leaders to conduct deliverance for you.

MISLEADING PASTORAL INFLUENCE: Understand that just as your parent doesn’t have the power to choose for you, so also is your pastor. No pastor should dictate to you, who should be your wife/ husband. You can be counselled, he can advice you, but you have the final say. Look, you must hearken to pastoral counselling because they are in the best position to correct you when you are going astray, but your pastor doesn’t have the power to choose for you.

PASSION FOR SEX: If your major drive for marriage is sex and sex only, you will end up marrying the available and not the responsible. With sex as your only focus, it will only take six month after wedding before you realize that marriage is no fantasy.

Written by Evangelist Bamidele James