EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY: A Disease to Courtship and Marriage

I met a client today and he was explaining his challenges in maintaining a relationship. i was perplexed when he told me he is about thirty years,he has had about five 'girl friends' and none of the relationship has lasted for more than 5months. Over the time,I have heard people say,coach I find it difficult to maintain a relationship,what can be the cause?


 Whenever I sit to hear the stories of this people,I always find most the persons asking the questions as 'emotional kids'
See,let me say categorically that the fact that you have grey hairs doesn't mean you are emotionally matured...the fact that you are over educated does not make you to be liable to emotional maturity...and the fact that you are a 'believer' may not be a direct ticket to emotional maturity.


What then is emotional maturity?
It is the optimum state in which a person is fit to manage positive and negative attitude of another person without any consequencial influence to the relationship of the two.
Emotional maturity can also be defined as the climax status of a person to control his/her emotions under any favorable or unfavourable circumstances(in a relationship)
Now, having understand the definitions of what 'Emotional maturity' is.
I want you to understand that the level of ones emotional maturity is wired around certain factors
1.Your temperament
2.Your level of intelligence(this consist of your level of exposure)
3.Your environment(background,parents,who you associate with)
4.Your personal judgement of issues,people and expectation-simply put your cordinal expectations
5.Your faith(believe/religion).
One other factor I don't like adding is age-to some arguable extent contribute to your emotional maturity
 The bitter truth is that our failure to understand the consequence of not having a proper blend of the above factor(which constitute our emotional maturity) can affect our relationship with love ones and even people around us.
Or let me slice it this way when we fry (grow) one of the above 5 factors at the detriment of the other
 We become liable to emotional immaturity...The question that would be ask here is How can one build this five factors in other to become emotionally matured...isn't that what you would ask?
I will start from number four-YOUR CORDIAL EXPECTATION FROM HUMANS
see I do believe in one statement I propounded 'Expect more from people and when they disappoint you,you get more trauma,expect less from people and when they disappoint you simply forgive(ignore) and more on.
It is a statement I formed long ago and to many who know me I rarely have issues with people's behavior.Take it or you leave it your expectation from people contribute to your emotional maturity.....see not expecting much isn't lack of trust..it is just a gate way to defending your heart stability. before i take the other four here are the top signs of emotional maturity.

1. You cope well with change. A person who is emotionally mature will not resist change. The change may be difficult for that person to make, but someone emotionally mature will realize that this change is necessary. An emotionally mature can handle changes and will adjust for those changes.
2. You are concerned with the thoughts and feelings of others. You are able to share love with others and realize that everything is not revolved around your wants and needs. You create an environment where you can place another’s needs above yours. You don’t demand constant attention from others. You feel secure with yourself and are not jealous that your friends or significant other spend time with different people. You give respect to other people. You are able to open yourself to new ideas that others have about the world. You care that you might be hurting someone’s feelings.
3. You can control your emotions. When you are angry, you do NOT verbally or physically hurt someone. You can handle criticism, and do not feel attacked every time you receive criticism. You are able to forgive others and do not hold grudges for past actions. You do not become very frustrated with other people and have patience for mistakes that people make.
4. You seek solutions to problems in your life. When faced with challenges, you do not show self-pity and take little action to improve your situation. You are willing to find different solutions to address the challenges in your life.
5. You rely on yourself for your own care and have personal responsibility. You are able to handle your own finances independently. You do not need the advice of your parents or loved ones to make daily choices about bills to pay and how to best spend your money. You do not rely on other people for your well –being. You manage your finances well.
6. You are patient with your wants. You do not always have to gratify your needs. You have self-control with your actions and can delay your gratifications.
7. You are hopeful. You believe that life can change and get better. You realize that life does not control your situation. You understand that with faith, effort and acceptance, things can improve. You believe that the choices you make can change your lifestyle.
8. You are a giver. You are able to give back to others. Not everything is about taking and using situations and people to achieve what you want. You believe in returning favors to others. You happily do kind things for loved ones. You are willing to sacrifice some of yourself to help someone achieve something he or she needs or wants.
9. You are independent. You can make your own decisions about life. You can take responsibility for your actions and can handle commitments. You are not afraid to be independent and do not feel completely lost when doing something on your own.
10. You are resilient. When times get tough, you learn to adjust and handle those difficulties. This may be a lengthy process but resilience happens. During breakups you do not spend years being unable to move on. Instead, you learn to move on, adjust and try and handle the situation. When being laid off work, you do not sit around at home, unable to apply to jobs and living off unemployment. You keep searching for jobs, sending out your resume and take advantage of any opportunity you can get.
11. You can step out of your comfort zone. You are willing to do something out of the ordinary and gradually get away from a situation that may seem secure. You can take risks in relationships, your career or with life decisions. You are able to pursue your dreams and purpose, even if it involves you doing something that feels a bit uncomfortable at first.
12. You live in the present. You don’t allow past circumstances to strongly impact how you live now. You are able to realize that people change, and can learn to forgive. You try to not repeat mistakes from your past. You try to not misapply what happened in the past to what is happening now (i.e. my last relationship didn’t work so now this relationship will not work). You believe that the present can be different from your past... to be contd