To be sincere as a relationship coach, one issue that is very
hard to give an always working answer to is how to handle an ex that wants to
come back whether as a lady or as a guy. Yet it is one issue that should not be
kept under the carpet since a lot of youths find themselves in this situation
and find it difficult to handle such situation.
Let me shock you, the fact that a guy retrace his steps and
come back to you doesn’t mean that he has turn a saint and wouldn’t go back to
his vomit. In fact most of the issue of ex going back to their formal
girlfriends has turned out to be, other reasons other than repentance.
A guy may return back to his ex for several reasons, one
reason is if he feels ‘tormented’ by the presence of his ex. What I mean is this,
if you and your guy breaks-up but still stay in the same environment with him,
he may feel threatened seeing you around, remember a man is wired to be moved
by what he sees.
You may not understand this as a lady but I want to tell you
that each time your ex sees you, his heart is somehow reconnected to the sweet
times he has with you, and his heart may be torment by the soul ties, that such
times have created either consciously or unconsciously and once he can’t
control this soul ties, he may be forced to return especially if he hasn’t find
someone else to occupy the vacuum you once filled.
Another reason a your ex may want to come back is, if he
missed the cookies he gets from you or he hasn’t seen someone to give him as much cookies you gave
him, when I say cookies I mean everything he ‘enjoins’ when he was with such
ranging from financial aid, sex, emotions, advice etc.
The bitter truth every
lady must swallow his that once you give a guy to much cookies especially SEX,
he may keep attached to you, this may not translate to true love, in the same a
guy might come back crying that he has repented, begging you to receive him
back to your ‘lovely’ hands because he has missed one cookies or the other. And
that Is why I have always crusade RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT SEX.
If you sense that your guy is coming back before of cookies
then I will advise that you set ‘strict’ rules for him to follow, if he agrees
to follow these rules then he may take him serious, and don’t deceive yourself,
you have to put yourself into subjection to this rules too, so that at the end
you wouldn’t make a fool of yourself remember guys can be very cunning.
As a girl if your ex-boyfriend wants to come back, there are certain
questions you must ask yourself even though you may find it difficult to find
the right answers to some of it.
1. What did he do that caused your breakup?
Am sure you may not want to dwell
in the past, yet you must flash back to what caused your breakup in the first
place, this is necessary since am sure you wouldn’t want to be burnt again by
the same fire that have burnt you before.
2. Can you forgive him for what he did that caused your breakup?
If you are still angry and feel
you cannot trust your ex, even if you still love him, that is not going to
provide the best foundation for future love. You've got to find a way to
forgive him if you want things to work out.
Talk about what happened calmly.
See if he has grown or learned anything since the breakup. Does he express
regret for what happened and has he apologized? If you can answer yes to these
questions, then you have a shot of creating a new future together. As Alexander
Pope once said, "To err is human; to forgive, divine."
3. How much "repair work" do you think is required?
Sometimes, when a man wants you
back, you start wishing you could fix more than what caused the breakup. If a
big list comes to mind about your ex that you want to improve, that's not a
good sign. Only so much repair work can be done. My relationship advice is to
be realistic about what you want and need from him, or you might be getting
back into a no-win situation.
4. Can you let go and not bring his mistake up all the time?
After you make up and decide to
go for round two, you need to find a way to face the future together. Taking
your ex back means you are willing to start fresh with a clean slate. You need
to let go of whatever happened and be done with it. However, if you plan to use
his error against him every time you have a fight, you'll wear him down and
cause a new rift to grow between the two of you.
4. Can you respect him again?
In order to have a loving,
lasting relationship, respect for each other is essential. If your ex made a
mistake that has undermined your respect for him, rekindling that flame might
be very difficult. It could take time, and that's why taking things slow with
your ex is a smart strategy.
Don't just jump in feet first!
Take your time to see if he has changed and shows signs of real commitment to
your future together. That's not something you can tell after one hot date and
great make-up sex. Let things unfold naturally before you merge your life with
his and end up broken-hearted again.
5. Is there anything you might have done that contributed to the
breakup?
Often breakups are not one-sided.
It's worth taking a look at what you might have done that contributed to the
split, because it often takes two to tango and fight. This is not always true,
of course, but a willingness to look at your own stuff shows your desire to
improve and learn how to compromise when appropriate.
if you can't forgive him, insist on fixing
him, can't let go of what happened, can't respect him, or simply look at your own
part in the breakup, you might want to say no to getting back together. Be
honest with yourself and him as well. It's better to admit that even though you
loved each other, you just weren't a good romantic fit. Contrary to legends and
literature, love absolutely does not conquer all.
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