REAL REASONS YOUR EX PARTNER MAY WANT TO COME BACK(1) +What you should do

To be sincere as a relationship coach, one issue that is very hard to give an always working answer to is how to handle an ex that wants to come back whether as a lady or as a guy. Yet it is one issue that should not be kept under the carpet since a lot of youths find themselves in this situation and find it difficult to handle such situation.

Let me shock you, the fact that a guy retrace his steps and come back to you doesn’t mean that he has turn a saint and wouldn’t go back to his vomit. In fact most of the issue of ex going back to their formal girlfriends has turned out to be, other reasons other than repentance.

A guy may return back to his ex for several reasons, one reason is if he feels ‘tormented’ by the presence of his ex. What I mean is this, if you and your guy breaks-up but still stay in the same environment with him, he may feel threatened seeing you around, remember a man is wired to be moved by what he sees.

You may not understand this as a lady but I want to tell you that each time your ex sees you, his heart is somehow reconnected to the sweet times he has with you, and his heart may be torment by the soul ties, that such times have created either consciously or unconsciously and once he can’t control this soul ties, he may be forced to return especially if he hasn’t find someone else to occupy the vacuum you once filled.

Another reason a your ex may want to come back is, if he missed the cookies he gets from you or he hasn’t seen  someone to give him as much cookies you gave him, when I say cookies I mean everything he ‘enjoins’ when he was with such ranging from financial aid, sex, emotions, advice etc.

 The bitter truth every lady must swallow his that once you give a guy to much cookies especially SEX, he may keep attached to you, this may not translate to true love, in the same a guy might come back crying that he has repented, begging you to receive him back to your ‘lovely’ hands because he has missed one cookies or the other. And that Is why I have always crusade RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT SEX.  

If you sense that your guy is coming back before of cookies then I will advise that you set ‘strict’ rules for him to follow, if he agrees to follow these rules then he may take him serious, and don’t deceive yourself, you have to put yourself into subjection to this rules too, so that at the end you wouldn’t make a fool of yourself remember guys can be very cunning.

As a girl if your ex-boyfriend wants to come back, there are certain questions you must ask yourself even though you may find it difficult to find the right answers to some of it.

1. What did he do that caused your breakup?

Am sure you may not want to dwell in the past, yet you must flash back to what caused your breakup in the first place, this is necessary since am sure you wouldn’t want to be burnt again by the same fire that have burnt you before.

2. Can you forgive him for what he did that caused your breakup?

If you are still angry and feel you cannot trust your ex, even if you still love him, that is not going to provide the best foundation for future love. You've got to find a way to forgive him if you want things to work out.

Talk about what happened calmly. See if he has grown or learned anything since the breakup. Does he express regret for what happened and has he apologized? If you can answer yes to these questions, then you have a shot of creating a new future together. As Alexander Pope once said, "To err is human; to forgive, divine."

3. How much "repair work" do you think is required?

Sometimes, when a man wants you back, you start wishing you could fix more than what caused the breakup. If a big list comes to mind about your ex that you want to improve, that's not a good sign. Only so much repair work can be done. My relationship advice is to be realistic about what you want and need from him, or you might be getting back into a no-win situation.

4. Can you let go and not bring his mistake up all the time?

After you make up and decide to go for round two, you need to find a way to face the future together. Taking your ex back means you are willing to start fresh with a clean slate. You need to let go of whatever happened and be done with it. However, if you plan to use his error against him every time you have a fight, you'll wear him down and cause a new rift to grow between the two of you.

4. Can you respect him again?

In order to have a loving, lasting relationship, respect for each other is essential. If your ex made a mistake that has undermined your respect for him, rekindling that flame might be very difficult. It could take time, and that's why taking things slow with your ex is a smart strategy.

Don't just jump in feet first! Take your time to see if he has changed and shows signs of real commitment to your future together. That's not something you can tell after one hot date and great make-up sex. Let things unfold naturally before you merge your life with his and end up broken-hearted again.

5. Is there anything you might have done that contributed to the breakup?

Often breakups are not one-sided. It's worth taking a look at what you might have done that contributed to the split, because it often takes two to tango and fight. This is not always true, of course, but a willingness to look at your own stuff shows your desire to improve and learn how to compromise when appropriate.

 if you can't forgive him, insist on fixing him, can't let go of what happened, can't respect him, or simply look at your own part in the breakup, you might want to say no to getting back together. Be honest with yourself and him as well. It's better to admit that even though you loved each other, you just weren't a good romantic fit. Contrary to legends and literature, love absolutely does not conquer all.