MANAGING TRAUMA AND DEPRESSION

 by Anita Okanigbe-John delivered on RelationshipPendulum Whatsapp Invasion
Good evening friends, it's so great to be here with you. Thank you Michael for the invitation. Hope everyone is as excited as I am tonight?

My name is Anita Okanigbe-John and as you know, my topic tonight is about managing depression and trauma. This is a matter that is very dear to me because my life was almost ruined because of these two.

I always like to start by defining the topic of my discussion so that we are all on the same page. I will also share a bit of my story with regards to depression and trauma.

Before we start, I would like you to please close all forms of distraction and ensure you pay full attention.

Let's start with depression.
It has been said by the World Health Organization (WHO) that depression is the most common illness worldwide.  According to them, 350 million people are affected by depression, globally.

So what is depresion and why does it have the power to affect such a huge number of people? A lot of us believe that depression is about being sad, feeling down, lost of  interest or pleasure in living. These are only symthoms as depression is much more than that.

In case you are not aware, depression is actually a mental health disorder and it is characterized by  symptoms like the ones mentioned above and other symptoms such as:
* Depressed mood
* Reduced interest or pleasure in activities previously enjoyed
* Loss of sexual desire
* Unintentional weight loss (without dieting)
* Difficulty in sleeping or excessive sleeping
* Psychomotor agitation (such as  restlessness, pacing up and down), or psychomotor retardation (such as slowed movements and speech)
* Fatigue or loss of energy
* Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
*Worsened ability to think, concentrate, or make decisions
* Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, or attempt at suicide

Please note that depression is a persistent problem, therefore it is different from the short fluctuations of mood you have once in a while. A depressive episode can last for  an average period of six or eight months. So when your sadness, feeling down, lost of interest in living or pleasure in daily activities, become consistent, know that you are in danger of DEPRESSION. So watch out!

Do you know that 7.6 percent of people over the age of 12 have depression in any 2-week period? If you doubt it, ask the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

I am sure many of us saw on the news, heard from friends or read on social media about the doctor who committed suicide on the 3rd mainland bridge in Lagos last year. That was a case of acute depression. So many people have lost their lives because of depression and many more are contemplating suicide at this very moment.

Why is depression so dangerous and what causes it? Although the causes of depression are not fully understood, however Markus MacGill in his recent article stated that one or a combination of the following may lead to depression:

1. Psychological and social (psychosocial)
2. Life events such as bereavement, divorce, work issues, relationships with friends and family, financial problems, medical concerns, or acute stress.
3. Genetic factors - first-degree relatives of depressed patients are at higher risk.
4. Some prescription drugs - including corticosteroids, some beta-blockers, interferon, and other prescription drugs.
5. Abuse of recreational drugs (including alcohol and amphetamines)
6. Biological - changes in neurotransmitter levels
7. Chronic pain syndromes such as diabetes, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, and cardiovascular disease.
8. Childhood trauma
9. Personality
10. Environmental
11. A past head injury.

In this our unique country Nigeria and with the recent political and economic happenings, a lot of people are suffering from acute depression. It may be someone close to you - a friend, colleague, family member or the victim might even be you. I would like to advise you tonight, please don't hide behind 'I can handle it' or 'what will others say?' Instead of suffering in silence or waiting till depression claim your life, kindly seek for help on how to manage it well or better still, overcome come it. Depression is a killer and no respecter of person so don't play 'hide and seek' game with it or romance the synthoms. Now let's move to trauma.

What is trauma? Trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience that has been defined as a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury.

According to Saakvitne, K. (et al, 2000), trauma is the unique individual experience of an event or enduring conditions in which the individual's ability to integrate his/her emotional experience is overwhelmed and the individual experiences (either objectively or subjectively) a threat to his/her life, bodily integrity, or that of a caregiver or family.

There are two major categories of trauma and these are:
1. Developmental trauma - this  describes a broad range of adverse events that occur in childhood usually physically, emotionally, or sexually which increases the risk of developing a range of mental health conditions

2. Posttraumatic Stress Disorder  (PTSD) - describes a set of symptoms that may be experienced after a traumatic event. These symptoms include:

* Nightmares, flashbacks, intrusive memories, and distress at being reminded of the event
* Avoidance of trauma-related thoughts, feelings, or situations
* Negative changes in thinking and feeling
* Changes in levels of physiological arousal and reactivity

Experience of trauma can be emotional, psychological or physical. According to the National Traumatic Stress Network, truamatic experience can be caused by one or more of the following:

* Sexual Abuse or Assault
* Physical Abuse or Assault
* Emotional Abuse/Psychological Maltreatment
* Neglect
* Serious Accident or Illness/Medical Procedure
* Witness to Domestic Violence
* Victim/Witness to Community Violence
* School Violence
* Natural or Manmade Disasters
* Forced Displacement
* War/Terrorism/Political Violence
* Victim/Witness to Extreme Personal/Interpersonal Violence
* Traumatic Grief/Separation
* System-Induced Trauma

Since you now know the meaning and synthoms of depression and trauma, hopefully you can take precaution to avoid or manage them. But the question is, how can you overcome the effects of depression and trauma if you are already neck deep? I will illustrate by sharing a bit of my story. I believe the method I used will work for you if you apply it. However, you must be intentional and deliberate about it.

For those who don't know much about me, I was born the seventh daughter of a wealthy African man who initially rejected me at birth because he was desperate for a male child to inherit his name. Due to the popular believe that a female child will take on her husband's name after marriage and forget about her family.

I had a very difficult childhood and growing up was more bitter than sweet. Due to the fact that I was hyperactive, I was blamed, beaten and punished for many crimes I did not commit. As if that was not bad enough, I was sexually molested at age eight by someone very close to the family. I couldn't tell anyone about it because of fear that I would be punished as usual.

At age 10 (almost 11), I was taken away from my parents to live with a relative in whose house I suffered constant domestic violence, sexual abuse, physical assault, emotional and psychological trauma, maltreatment and neglect just to mention few.

At age 17, I was forced to drop out of school because the person I was living with didn't want to 'waste' money on me even though they were  extremely wealthy. I was then locked up in the house and not allowed to go anywhere or do anything. After one year, I planned my escape and ran away from home. I became homeless and began to sleep on the street of Lagos where hunger, fear, guilt, distress, grief, sucidal thoughts and feeling of worthlessness became my constant companions.

After seven years of roaming about aimlessly, God divinely took me out of the street and through the help of good Samaritans, I went back to school, graduated from one of the best private universities in Nigeria and proceeded to the United Kingdom for my Masters degree. However, my past hunted me and for many years I bore the pain and scars of what I went through. No matter how hard I tried, my past would walk arrogantly beside me like a shadow. In fact, it became my second skin.

Soon I began to suffer from acute depression plus, emotional and psychological trauma. The symthoms were so severe that I would deliberately hurt myself and the thought of death became my only friend. Then I started to experience rejection and failure in my career, relationships, finance, health, etc. So I decided to end it all by killing myself. About three times I tried but failed. I became bittered,  frustrated and a shadow of myself.

My turning point came one day when I found a solution that completely turned my life around 360 degree for good. Surprisely, this solution caused me next to nothing but with the amazing results I got, I would have given an arm or leg to get it long ago.  Now, there are five key ingredients in this solution but because of time, I will only share three briefly.

1. Love: I found out that despite all I went through, God loves me and it was important I love myself too. This truth was hard to come to terms with but gradually, I learnt to trust God's love for me without doubt as well as love myself extravagantly. It took a while for me to understand that if I love me, I wouldn't want to hurt or kill myself. But trusting God's love was a battle because for a very long time, I couldn't understand how and why God would allow me to suffer if His love for me was real. But once I accepted His love for me and my love for myself, everything began to make sense. Today, what I went through made me the person I am now and I will not trade my experiences

2. Forgiveness - for the major part of my teenage years and adult life, anger and bitterness fuelled the thought of revenge in my heart against those who hurt me. I wanted 'an eye for an eye'. For me, forgiving them would mean they got away with what they did and I wanted them to pay dearly for it. Unforgiveness blinded me and build a wall round my heart. Before I knew it, I began to experience difficulty in breathing and developped severe chest pain which lasted for many years. I went to the doctors both in Nigeria and in the UK but they couldn't find anything wrong. One day, I learnt that forgiveness is not about those who hurt me rather, it is for my own good. In fact, it is the most valuable gift I can ever give to myself. As soon as I decided and took steps to forgive those who hurt me, the pain on my chest stopped without medication, my health improved and joy was restored. 

3. Psychotherapy - this simple involves meeting with a trained therapist to help you diagnose and treat mental or emotional problems resulting from depression and trauma. In Africa and particularly in Nigeria a lot of people are living with psychological disorder due to depression and truama but it will kill them to admit it because of stigma. To most people, owning up to a psychological problem will mean 'madness' which no one wants to be associated with. We would rather wish it away or pray and fast about it. I dare say that it is time we understand that being ignorant will not exempt you from the effects of depression or trauma neither can psychological problems be solved spiritually. Don't get me wrong, there's a place for prayer and fasting. However, therapy is extremely important. No matter how long you take panadol for an abdominal pain, it will always come back and sometimes, worse than before. In other words, what I'm simply saying is, take the right medication for the right pain. Even as a Christian, I tried praying all the synthoms of depression and truama away to no avail until the day I embraced therapy as the right solution.

I would love to go on and on about this but I am afraid I don't have the time now. If you want to know more or ask questions, please follow me on social media and send me a direct message - Twitter: @anitaokanigbe and on Instagram: @anitaokanigbejohn. I will respond as soon as I can. You can also visit www.academy.anitaokanigbejohn.com and www.anitaokanigbejohn.com to know more about me.

The chronicle of my struggles and my eventual triumph is captured in my autobiography 'Miracle In The Storm'. If you live in Lagos, Nigeria, you can get it at The Palms (Lekki), Laterna bookstore and  Elevation Church research centre. If you prefer a soft copy, go to Amazon kindle.

Thank you so much for your time. I hope you were somehow impacted by what I shared and I look forward to your comments and questions.