...by Toluse Dove
Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices.
With the death of Chester Bennington to suicide after battle with depression, it is important we pay attention to it
*I wrote an article today about how a particular song changed my life*
*I wrote an article today about how a particular song changed my life*
Over the course of your life, if you experience mental health problems, your thinking, mood, and behavior could be affected
Let me shock you, you will always find yourself being ill mentally. It is how you handle it that matters
It is a choice of how you allow it move from acute to chronic
*Many factors contribute to mental health problems, including:*
1. Biological factors, such as genes or brain chemistry
2. Life experiences, such as trauma or abuse
3. Family history of mental health problems
So when we talk of mental health, it means our state of health in all aspects
*So relationships can affect our mood and how we feel or react to situations*
Permit to share another article on this, after reading, come back and we shall discuss
Remember, we are takling mental health, It is contahandy
*This tells you that if you have a sad person around you, you can become sad too*
*If you have a happy person around you, you can become happy*
*1. Those you relate with can affect your mood and emotions. They have a role to play in your life hence you must choose your association wisely* We can not talk mental health and not talk mental illness. You agree?
So there are very simple mental illnesses we overlook yet they cripple us gradually. For example, mood swings. When you mood switches, it can alter the cause of events in the life of your partner. Your partner here doesn't have to be a lover. *So let me share with you how to handle mental illness in a relationship*
Are we ready?
*Mental illness is tough on couples. The stress level often stretches into a crisis mode, in which managing the illness becomes, for all intents and purposes, the sole function of the relationship. It could be draining when a mental is mentally ill* For example, if your partner is sad, you most likely won't enjoy him/her that day. Ofcourse sex is out of it that night
*The mental illness has a way of wanting to direct the movement of the relationship, rather than the individual partners*. “It is not true that a mental illness can destroy a relationship. People destroy a relationship,” ,” said Jeffrey Sumber, MA, LCPC, Chicago psychotherapist and relationship coach. *And I agree with him*
In the end, the persons destroy the relationship
*Here’s what you can do to maintain a healthy relationship rather than a relationship overwhelmed and steered by mental illness*
1. *Know the illness and treatment options*. Mental illness is confusing for everyone involved. You might think your spouse/partner is being lazy, irritable, distant or distracted. But these supposed character flaws might really be symptoms of the mental illness. Also, make sure your partner/spouse is receiving effective treatment. *partner here can relate to friends*
2. *Find out how to help*. Learn from a mental health professional what role you might be able to play in the treatment plan. Not knowing how you can help can be frustrating for both partners. Find out how you can best support your spouse/partner during his or her treatment. For every relationship, challenges would come. Irrespective of who or what the person is to you
3. *View the diagnosis as another challenge*. Healthy couples don’t allow mental illness to run their relationship but encounter diagnoses as just other challenges to the relationship. Challenges can be overcome
2. Life experiences, such as trauma or abuse
3. Family history of mental health problems
So when we talk of mental health, it means our state of health in all aspects
*So relationships can affect our mood and how we feel or react to situations*
Permit to share another article on this, after reading, come back and we shall discuss
Remember, we are takling mental health, It is contahandy
*This tells you that if you have a sad person around you, you can become sad too*
*If you have a happy person around you, you can become happy*
*1. Those you relate with can affect your mood and emotions. They have a role to play in your life hence you must choose your association wisely* We can not talk mental health and not talk mental illness. You agree?
So there are very simple mental illnesses we overlook yet they cripple us gradually. For example, mood swings. When you mood switches, it can alter the cause of events in the life of your partner. Your partner here doesn't have to be a lover. *So let me share with you how to handle mental illness in a relationship*
Are we ready?
*Mental illness is tough on couples. The stress level often stretches into a crisis mode, in which managing the illness becomes, for all intents and purposes, the sole function of the relationship. It could be draining when a mental is mentally ill* For example, if your partner is sad, you most likely won't enjoy him/her that day. Ofcourse sex is out of it that night
*The mental illness has a way of wanting to direct the movement of the relationship, rather than the individual partners*. “It is not true that a mental illness can destroy a relationship. People destroy a relationship,” ,” said Jeffrey Sumber, MA, LCPC, Chicago psychotherapist and relationship coach. *And I agree with him*
In the end, the persons destroy the relationship
*Here’s what you can do to maintain a healthy relationship rather than a relationship overwhelmed and steered by mental illness*
1. *Know the illness and treatment options*. Mental illness is confusing for everyone involved. You might think your spouse/partner is being lazy, irritable, distant or distracted. But these supposed character flaws might really be symptoms of the mental illness. Also, make sure your partner/spouse is receiving effective treatment. *partner here can relate to friends*
2. *Find out how to help*. Learn from a mental health professional what role you might be able to play in the treatment plan. Not knowing how you can help can be frustrating for both partners. Find out how you can best support your spouse/partner during his or her treatment. For every relationship, challenges would come. Irrespective of who or what the person is to you
3. *View the diagnosis as another challenge*. Healthy couples don’t allow mental illness to run their relationship but encounter diagnoses as just other challenges to the relationship. Challenges can be overcome
It takes a person who is deliberate
4. *Work on your marriage as you would without the mental illness intruding*. Honor and care for your marriage as you would without the presence of the mental illness.
I recommend carving out time when “you both can fully enjoy one another, at least for a few hours.” This also helps couples become more resilient during tough times.
5. *Maintain positive communication*. In my experience, couples who continue to say ‘I love you,’ or to check in during the day via phone calls or texts, tend to fare much, much better in terms of relationship longetivity. When I say ' experience' note that I mean from my work with people and not that I am married
6. *Admire each other*. Stress is a common and overwhelming challenge for couples coping with mental illness. There’s some very good research that suggests that, regardless of the level of stress, couples that sustain a sense of admiration for one another co-create relationships that tend to survive
7. *Practice self-care regularly*. Many people see self-care as selfish but you need to have a lot of energy to help your partner manage such an illness, and taking care of yourself is critical. Not focusing on your own health increases the risk the disease will pull both people in” and jeopardize the marriage.
Be sure to get enough sleep, eat well, participate in physical activity, spend quality time with loved ones and engage in enjoyable activities. For the best self-care plans, I want to recommend Cheryl Richardson’s books, especially *Take Time for Your Life and The Art of Extreme Self-Care*.
8. *Don’t expect your partner to meet all your needs*. In fact, this is normal. Couples that split up are typically stuck in the paradigm that their spouse is here to make them happy and meet all their needs. These couples distort personal needs into projected expectations and then become resentful and angry when the other person doesn’t meet their needs.
9. *Avoid blaming*. Both experts often see blaming on both sides, which can go beyond the mental illness. The ‘healthy’ spouse runs the risk of blaming everything that goes wrong in the relationship on the other person, which is also typically not the case.
4. *Work on your marriage as you would without the mental illness intruding*. Honor and care for your marriage as you would without the presence of the mental illness.
I recommend carving out time when “you both can fully enjoy one another, at least for a few hours.” This also helps couples become more resilient during tough times.
5. *Maintain positive communication*. In my experience, couples who continue to say ‘I love you,’ or to check in during the day via phone calls or texts, tend to fare much, much better in terms of relationship longetivity. When I say ' experience' note that I mean from my work with people and not that I am married
6. *Admire each other*. Stress is a common and overwhelming challenge for couples coping with mental illness. There’s some very good research that suggests that, regardless of the level of stress, couples that sustain a sense of admiration for one another co-create relationships that tend to survive
7. *Practice self-care regularly*. Many people see self-care as selfish but you need to have a lot of energy to help your partner manage such an illness, and taking care of yourself is critical. Not focusing on your own health increases the risk the disease will pull both people in” and jeopardize the marriage.
Be sure to get enough sleep, eat well, participate in physical activity, spend quality time with loved ones and engage in enjoyable activities. For the best self-care plans, I want to recommend Cheryl Richardson’s books, especially *Take Time for Your Life and The Art of Extreme Self-Care*.
8. *Don’t expect your partner to meet all your needs*. In fact, this is normal. Couples that split up are typically stuck in the paradigm that their spouse is here to make them happy and meet all their needs. These couples distort personal needs into projected expectations and then become resentful and angry when the other person doesn’t meet their needs.
9. *Avoid blaming*. Both experts often see blaming on both sides, which can go beyond the mental illness. The ‘healthy’ spouse runs the risk of blaming everything that goes wrong in the relationship on the other person, which is also typically not the case.
This becomes an “unhealthy dynamic for a relationship,” Duffy said. His suggestion is to cultivate understanding. *Express curiosity over judgment*. John Duffy, Ph.D, is a clinical psychologist who works with couples and author of The Available Parent: Radical Optimism in Raising Teens and Tweens. For instance, if your spouse struggles with bipolar disorder and tends to act out, try to “communicate your concerns, feelings or anxieties in a non-blaming way so that communication is the process that keeps the relationship flowing,” Sumber said.
Also, remember that both people need to be responsible for themselves, their healthy responses to situations rather than unhealthy reactions, and their intentions and picture for the marriage.
10. *Seek individual counseling*. If you can’t communicate your feelings in a nonjudgmental or blaming manner, voice them in individual counseling. This way, you can process them in a healthy way when you’re with your partner.
11. *Seek couples counseling*. Counseling provides perspective, balance and guidance in a situation that can easily become imbalanced under the wrong circumstances. Because the mental illness can drive your relationship, couples counseling can be a tremendous help.
12. *Learn from the struggles*. Ask yourself what lessons you are being offered in the situation and if you are learning them well.
Also, remember that both people need to be responsible for themselves, their healthy responses to situations rather than unhealthy reactions, and their intentions and picture for the marriage.
10. *Seek individual counseling*. If you can’t communicate your feelings in a nonjudgmental or blaming manner, voice them in individual counseling. This way, you can process them in a healthy way when you’re with your partner.
11. *Seek couples counseling*. Counseling provides perspective, balance and guidance in a situation that can easily become imbalanced under the wrong circumstances. Because the mental illness can drive your relationship, couples counseling can be a tremendous help.
12. *Learn from the struggles*. Ask yourself what lessons you are being offered in the situation and if you are learning them well.
Specifically, consider: How are you responding to the challenges of your life? Are there ways you can do it better or different?Think about “the person you truly desire to be.
We choose partners that will challenge us to grow and this is no exception. You may not be married but I want to believe this comes in handy
*Let me share a story*
At a point in life I was unhappy about my job.
I would return late very exhausted and useless to myself
We choose partners that will challenge us to grow and this is no exception. You may not be married but I want to believe this comes in handy
*Let me share a story*
At a point in life I was unhappy about my job.
I would return late very exhausted and useless to myself
I had a girlfriend who was still a medical student that year.
I had little or no time for her yet she would try hard to communicate. I was depressed, moods were swinging like a pendulum bulb. In the end, I walked away. *Why?*
I was drifting away from the relationship. I opened up to her that I was drifting and asked for time. She gave me time. But she came back wth screams and ad shouts because she wanted to fight for her man. I walked away that night because her approach didn't help my condition. I didn't know I was depressed. But I knew I wasn't okay but lacked a name for the feeling I had Or the illnesses I had. If only I had spoken out ans sought help, I would have had an amazing relationship perhaps (this is because there were other factors which contributed to the state of mind). Mental health begins from the mind and that controls everything else
*Why did I share Chester Bennington's story with a mention to Lnkin Park?*
I had little or no time for her yet she would try hard to communicate. I was depressed, moods were swinging like a pendulum bulb. In the end, I walked away. *Why?*
I was drifting away from the relationship. I opened up to her that I was drifting and asked for time. She gave me time. But she came back wth screams and ad shouts because she wanted to fight for her man. I walked away that night because her approach didn't help my condition. I didn't know I was depressed. But I knew I wasn't okay but lacked a name for the feeling I had Or the illnesses I had. If only I had spoken out ans sought help, I would have had an amazing relationship perhaps (this is because there were other factors which contributed to the state of mind). Mental health begins from the mind and that controls everything else
*Why did I share Chester Bennington's story with a mention to Lnkin Park?*
*You only would know if you read up the link*
Several times, Linkin Park had to cancel their tour just because Chester was ill. The abandoned mouth-watering tours because a team mate was down. Lost lots of money because a team mate was down. Infact, Chester recorded his part of 'Numb' from his home because he fell ill and had to leave the other team. He was since ill but didn't speak up until recently and today he is gone. What would you do to help that partner of yours when he/she comes ill mentally? What role would you play when you notice a change in expression or performance?
It may not be depression
It may just be anger
Sadness
Pain
Grief
I shared in my new book, "Beyond Blue: a step by step guide to coping with grief and loss, preventing and managing depression" how it was for me when I was grieving.
Take charge of your health. *Let your response to ' How are You' be sincere rather than make it a cliche response*
Be sincere with asking too. I hope I have helped someone tonight
*My watchword is : Always strive for : a renewed mind, and illuminated spirit which in turn would give you a healthy body*
*Sound health in the three gives you complete and wholsesome healthy status*
You can follow me on IG : @Iamtolusefrancis, @themindandhealthcenter
Several times, Linkin Park had to cancel their tour just because Chester was ill. The abandoned mouth-watering tours because a team mate was down. Lost lots of money because a team mate was down. Infact, Chester recorded his part of 'Numb' from his home because he fell ill and had to leave the other team. He was since ill but didn't speak up until recently and today he is gone. What would you do to help that partner of yours when he/she comes ill mentally? What role would you play when you notice a change in expression or performance?
It may not be depression
It may just be anger
Sadness
Pain
Grief
I shared in my new book, "Beyond Blue: a step by step guide to coping with grief and loss, preventing and managing depression" how it was for me when I was grieving.
Take charge of your health. *Let your response to ' How are You' be sincere rather than make it a cliche response*
Be sincere with asking too. I hope I have helped someone tonight
*My watchword is : Always strive for : a renewed mind, and illuminated spirit which in turn would give you a healthy body*
*Sound health in the three gives you complete and wholsesome healthy status*
You can follow me on IG : @Iamtolusefrancis, @themindandhealthcenter
You can also follow my Facebook pages : Toluse Francis and the mind and health center.
Facebook Group : The Mind and Health Center.
No comments:
Post a Comment