GET EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, GET WISDOM

by Akinwumi Akinola
By way of introduction, I consult in business process re-engineering and train on soft skills, with core emphasis on leadership and emotional intelligence. Am with ThinkMore Solution
So let's talk about emotional intelligence and wisdom
First, let's start from here. I deliberately said "someone annoyed you" because that's what most people say....
And it's a tactical way to shift trade blame of your emotional outcomes on other people... So the first principle you should learn is 1) To own responsibility for your emotions....Nobody annoys you...you got angry because anger is in you Someone or an event just triggered it. Without accepting responsibility for your emotions, you will keep blaming others and never be ready to change.So here...*your idea* is the key words That suggests to us that she had her own idea contrary to yours too....So it's normal for two different people to see the world differently...it's diversity and perspectives 

Rule 2: you must always appreciate the beauty in diversity...the value in deviation without necessarily picking an offence
It is actually my opic and actually somewhat lofty to expect every other person to see the world thesame way you see it. You will be imposing your views on them if you have such expectations, and your chance of manipulating them is high. Appreciate other people's worldview. It doesn't necessarily mean you agree with them, but don't trample on their willpower to make a choice of theirs and own it.Disagree with people agreeably.She didn't listen*...this is perhaps the most important emotional intelligence skill people hardly pay attention to.... Listening is a therapy just as much as venting is a therapy...I will explain...When there is conflict or you have divergent views, you can't have the other person listen to you until you have listened to his own view....Why is this so....if you do not listen, people will think you are too quick to judge them without understanding their issues or what they are going through You must have noticed that just listening to your angry customer, without arguing back in return calms their nerves.... You deposit in people emotionally when you listen to them...they consider it a sign that you respect and love them,Listening puts you in charge of the situation because you had time to think properly without rushing to conclusion....
Listening is a way to practice the pause principle......which states.. Never react on the spur of the moment....When you are angry....count 1 to 10 When you are very angry...count 1 to 100 before you respond, If you react immediately based on how you feel, you will behave instinctively, without thinking through your response..That's xteristic of animals, not man. If you want people to respect you, always delay your judgement or response...You can even walk away.... And return to discuss the issue when you are calm.... Reacting on the spur of the moment is too costly...you could break your arm, damage your TV you have saved for years to buy. You can deny the love your spouse has always shown you just because you can't remember it at that moment you are annoyed, and that will hurt her more. Reacting is too costly....Another principle....is the principle of 3) cost
Every response to emotional feelings has a consequence....Anger has a cost.....you can win the argument, prove a point but lose your relationship with the other party... So principle of cost and consequence states....always evaluate if the situation deserves your response, and what the consequence of your response to that emotional event will be... Will it foster bonding? Will it lead to your vindication especially wen you want the truth to come out? Will it create more enemies for you? Sometimes, silence is golden. Silence is superior to yes or no, right or wrong sometimes.You need to know how to choose your battles..... Some people who trigger your annoyance don't have any reputation to protect, while you do.They stand to lose nothing....whereas, you have a lot of people to explain to for your misconduct, and trust me, they won't admit 'hello provoked me' as an excuse. There are some battles you don't fight even if you are right, until an appointed time or season....In fact, it is insecurity trying to vindicate yourself sometimes. It's okay for some people to misunderstand you but never fight dirty just to prove your innocence... Time and consistence always reveal the truth, There are people you shouldn't argue with, otherwise, they would drag you down to their level of foolishness. ....They are called charlatans.... They don't know, and they don't know that they don't know.. They are unaware of their ignorance, so forcing change on them will be futile without first disabusing their arrogance, revealing their ignorance which humbles them to thirst and want to listen to you... A rule of the thumb in my advisory and knowledge mgt life....I don't give unsolicited advice...It always backfires....no matter how much value you put on the table....So this leads me to another domain of emotional intelligence....
4) It's called self-control
The pause principle and delayed gratification principle are principles of self control..By the way...for more reading on the charlatanism and competence I described earlier, you can read up 4 levels of competence online. You will understand why you can't implement any knowledge change or transformation without first ascertaining the level your audience are on the ladder.... They would not listen...because they don't see the need to listen to you or buy what you are saying, or rather tune off because you are talking beneath them which is time-wasting So....back to our self-control discussion...I know the subject is not new to many....but I will share with you the part often ignored Everything.... Should be moderated, Not just negatives alone...If you show excitement too much, carry your supervisor up, drop her and she feels embarrassed at work, you have just sacked yourself in excessive excitement...There is a level of love you show to people that they take you for granted....balance this with tough love,There is a kind of knowledge you have that if you display excessively, you become a threat to your boss and supervisors.... Permit yourself to shine, but never outshine your boss.... It's extremely dangerous. Too much of niceness can tell greatly on your finance... You must balance your selflessness with self-interest and self-interest...otherwise, you will drown yourself,People you helped will ask you what you have been doing with your money all this while, whereas you were busy saving their life, Have a life first, before you want to give others a living, Only a healthy man can donate blood, no matter the good intentions of the blood donor...You have to be healthy!
Let me wrap up with a case many of you will connect to.... Parents want their children to study 'their own course, contrary I the real desires of the children,Somehow, parents have their own idea of what a good and marketable course is. it's either medicine, law or engineering...There is a social desirability bias attached to this..Sometimes...to appear competitive and proud in their comity of friends.They turn deaf ears to your pleased to study a different course....After all, 'what do you know'? When were you born? That's what they say...They've not evolved....but you have,Don't fight them...but don't please them either,I know it will be nice and considerate of you to obey, and listen to their views.... But niceness is not needed where the rubber meets the road.... At most, they will live some X years, where X is your current age That's a modest estimation.....And all allow through this X years, you may be rich but miserable...And what happens after their demise....do you still want to blame them for altering your destiny? You will have to start all over again in your own field, as a fresher....and that will come with several distractions...children, family, aging etc. So my advice to you...is to make Hays while the sun shines...Be ready to make mistakes as young people.... But learn fast and evolve....There is a time when coming out to do that thing you always wanted to do will come with some feeling of regret or lateness...You will need extra strength and resilience to stay focused then. So why don't you give it a shot once and for all.. Let people laugh at you, call you names, label you and MISUNDERSTAND you.... It's okay, as long as you are learning and growing.....
Just keep the fire burning...Don't be slothful in business, be fervent and keep taking new territories.
I draw the curtain of my thoughts here