Looking back over the past nine years as the wife of a pastor, I
realize there are a few things I wish I would have known “all along”.
Things I learned through difficulties or mistakes. Nuggets of truth I
gleaned by learning from other pastor’s wives.
1. You don’t have to be perfect.
You really don’t. Your husband doesn’t have to be perfect,
and neither do your children. The day you reject the bondage of “the fear
of man” (Proverbs 29:25) is the day you will start to walk in true joy
and freedom.
2. You will get lonely.
Unless you live near your family, you won’t likely see your mama
on Mother’s Day. Your children might celebrate birthdays without cousins
and grandparents nearby. You might look for friendship within your
church congregation and realize you don’t have a confidant. Sometimes you
will feel misunderstood. Other pastor’s wives may be too busy to listen
or connect. Yes, you will sometimes walk a lonely road.
3. You need a mentor.
You NEED a mentor. Ask the Lord to bring one (or three) into
your life. She might be an older woman, or even a writer or blogger.
Find someone who is a little ahead of you in life’s journey and heading
in the direction you want your life to take. Then become a student of that
lady.
4. Your husband needs a cheer
leader.
Your husband will get enough “on the job” criticism, griping, and
opinions. He needs someone who believes in him, and he needs you
to be that someone. Yes, you already know all his faults. Believe
in him anyway. And tell him so. Often.
5. Your husband’s ministry is only
as strong as your marriage.
Satan would like very much to sabotage your husband’s ministry by
destroying, or at least weakening, your marriage. Never, NEVER, let
bitterness poison your soul! Guard your marriage by pursuing a life of
thankfulness, forgiveness, and joy. These are three of the best
“boundaries” you can put around your marriage as a pastor’s wife.
6. Protect your children.
Not everyone who darkens the door of your church is trustworthy.
Pedophiles exist, even within the church. Don’t be afraid to say
“no” if you feel uncomfortable about sleep overs, outings, or anything that
raises a “red flag” in your heart. I highly recommend Debi Pearl’s Yell and Tell books for teaching
young children about sexual predators.
7. You can’t influence people
unless you understand them (and yourself).
A wise pastor’s wife once advised me, “Try to learn the love
language of each of the ladies in your church.” I took her advise, and I
am still working on that project! Read The 5 Love Languages
and The Color Code and become a student of the people in
your life. Learn what makes them tick. The power of understanding
is life-changing and you will find it easier to extend grace to people in your
church family with whom you may not naturally bond.
8. Don’t be easily offended.
Those who anger you control you. Reject pettiness and take
the high road when people are rude, tactless, or simply careless with their
words. Again, seek a life of thankfulness, forgiveness, and joy.
9. Give your expectations to God.
Expectations often destroy joy, a sense of accomplishment, and
purpose. Give your expectations to God! Expectations of yourself,
your children, your husband, your church. Surrender and accept God’s
grace for the reality of where you’re at today.
10. Sometimes you must lead
and sometimes you must follow.
I do not mean sometimes you must lead your husband, and sometimes
you must follow your husband. Your husband is ever the head of your home
and your church! I mean that sometimes God will take you out of your
personal comfort zone.
God may ask you to step out and “lead” the women in your church,
teach a children’s class, or organize meals for a needy family. If you
are a natural “follower”, this might be hard for you! God may also give
you opportunities to take the back seat, to lay aside your great ideas, roll up
your sleeves, and support someone else’s agenda.
Whatever your personality, resist the urge to stay in your comfort
zone. Let God stretch you
No comments:
Post a Comment