We cannot be too
sure of the age gaps among children in the Bible days, but let's take Moses and
Aaron as the standard. Exodus 7:7 records that Aaron was three years older than
Moses. So, for the sake of this discussion, let's assume that there was always
three years interval between siblings in the Bible days. Now let's go back to
Jesus' discussion with the Sadducees.
Let's assume that
the first husband was ten years older than his wife. Now he has six younger
brothers. He died childless and tradition says the younger brother marry his
wife - levirate marriage. Now, by the assumption above, the younger brother
would be at least three years younger, and the same goes on and on like that.
If the woman could not have a child through the first of the six surviving
brothers, she goes to the next, until she has a child through any of the six
brothers.
Let's assume that
she bore no child for the first four out of the six, and there were three years
interval each among the brothers, then she would go to the fifth. Now, how old
will the fifth brother be? That means the woman will be five years older than
the fifth brother. Do you understand? I suggest you go through the thought
above again. Subtract three from ten in five places; the answer you get is
minus five. This means the woman would be five years older than the fifth
brother.
My Reservations:
I really want to express my reservations for this kind of marriage. I have read
several blog posts on the internet about women marrying younger men. They all
claimed to be deeply in love with one another, but I think there is still need
for thoughtful considerations in this matter. In some of the posts I read
earlier, I read of some women who married men who are 10 years, 15 years, and
even 20 years younger than them. I think such age gaps are outrageous, crazy,
ridiculous and weird. I perceive that in most cases, what could lead to such
marriage includes: lewdness, lust, infatuation, frustration, wrong self-
judgment, selfishness and greed. Pretense is not far from such union.
From my
observations, I deduced that most of the men who agreed to go into this kind of
marriage are up to something. Perhaps the woman has what he is desperately in
need of. In most cases the woman carries the greatest burden and pays the
highest price in order to ensure the marriage works. She is always afraid of
losing her younger husband to younger ladies in the future. The early days of
their marriage may look rosy and fantastic, but as year passes by, fear sets
in. The younger man begins to see the falling physique of his older wife and as
a result, the older spouse may no longer look appealing to him. As she's
growing older, you begin to see wrinkles all over her face, her boobs becoming
saggy and a lot of physiological changes begin to occur in her. Can you imagine
how a woman who is 15 years older than her husband will be in 15 years' time? A
study had shown that women who are seven to nine years older than their
husbands have a 20% higher mortality risk than if they were the same age.
Come on! Let's be
realistic; such age gaps (10, 15, 20 years older) are crazy and ridiculous.
They may both enjoy the euphoria of love in the early days of their marriage,
but as year passes by, these realities will be done on them. Remember the old
saying: "If love is a dream, marriage is the alarm clock."
However, I
understand that love transcends all these inadequacies, but love does not deny
reality. The marriage can still work in spite of the vast age differences, but
much effort is needed. The bottom line is that the duo should carefully count
the cost and not be carried away by the fantastic illusion that surrounds love.
I am not trying to dethrone love; love is a key and indispensable factor that
determines the success of any marriage. However, there is need for the couple
to consider their choices again.
Therefore, this
is my submission: there is nothing actually wrong with women marrying younger
men, if they both feel good about it. What matters is love and understanding.
If you are in it already and you feel okay with it, go ahead and enjoy the
cruise. If you are just coming into it, consider your choice critically and
allow God to guide you. If you are deeply and sincerely in love with each
other, but the female counterpart is older and you are confused if the Bible
supports such a practice, I think I have been able to help in that. The Bible
does not give us any instruction regarding age difference, and I do not think
such is against the scriptures. It is all your choice; but your choice needs to
be given a critical consideration.
FIVE WARNINGS FOR WOMEN DATING YOUNGER MEN
1. Do not do it
out of frustration or desperation: many of the women who goes into such
relationship do so simply because of frustration and desperation. Perhaps they
think they are already getting older and they may be left unmarried. As a
result, they accept any man who comes their ways and who seems to be meeting
their emotional needs. Another reason why older ladies may agree to marry
younger men can be due to their past ugly experiences. Perhaps they've once
loved and trusted a particular man and he jilted them. As a result, when
younger men come their ways and they feel they (the younger men) are
responsible and they can fill the vacuum their 'exes' left, they might give the
younger men the chance to come into their lives to merely play the
substitutionary roles. If you marry because of frustration or desperation, you
may end up marrying a mere 'service provider' and not a loving husband. A
'service provider' is there only to meet your emotional and sexual needs.
Having rendered the service for which you allow him into your life, what
happens next? Think about that.
Marrying out of
frustration or desperation is unhealthy and it can be hazardous.
2. Do not go into
dating for sexual reason only: some older ladies are of the opinion that
younger men will be more sexually active and romantic than older men. This may
not be true in all cases anyway. Having sexual satisfaction has more to do with
enlightenment and experience. It is possible for the younger man to have more
strength and energy than the older one, but if he lacks the skills involved in
giving sexual satisfaction, he may just expend his energy and still not satisfy
her woman.
That is by the
way. There is more to love and marriage than sex. Now I want you to know that
this article is not written for those who women who hang around younger men
just for the fun of it or merely to use the younger men as their sex machine. I
am addressing those who are seeking to enter into lifelong marital
relationships.
Therefore, my
advice to you older ladies who are in love with younger guys is that you dare
not enter into a lifelong commitment with him mainly for sexual reasons - not
because you need someone to gratify your sexual desire.
3. Carefully
weigh the Pros and the Cons: no doubt, every marriage has its own challenges
and monsters to conquer. However, there is need to critically and honestly
consider the 'Pros' and the 'Cons' before going into such marriage. This kind
of marriage has its own share of problems and its peculiarity will inevitably
open it up to several challenges. According to a recent research, women who
marry men seven to nine years their juniors have a 20 per cent higher mortality
risk than women who marry men their own age. Marrying a younger man may keep
your feeling young, but he might be hard to relate to on the other hand.
Because of the age disparity, both of you may not have many life experiences in
common and this may prove difficult to find common ground to stand on. I am of
the opinion that there are certain things books will not teach you; it takes
age and experiences to know them. Therefore older ladies or women may have
difficulties in relating with their younger men at some points. Enlisting the
Pros and the Cons of this kind of union is not the main focus of this article.
Therefore, I enjoin those involved in it to weigh the beautiful and the ugly
side of the union before diving into it. How long will the love last once
buttocks sag and double chins set in? This involves not only the older woman now,
but both the younger man and the older woman.
4. Never compare
him with your Ex: it is certain that older ladies must have been in some
relationships in the past, and with each relationship comes different
emotional, social or sexual experiences. Perhaps the younger manseem not to
measure up with your ex or exes in some areas; it is unhealthy to compare him
with them. You must be willing to accept him as he is and patiently walk with
him until he could meet some of your expectations - don't expect him to meet
all your expectations. That may not be realistic.
5. Do not treat
him as your younger brother; treat him as your husband: avoid the temptation of
wanting to treat your younger man like a younger brother. He is not a younger
brother as long as marriage is concern. Though the age gap may be vast, but
when it comes to marriage, the man assumes the responsibility of the head.
Regardless of the
age difference between both of you, he deserves respect and adoration from you.
You must be submissive to him as a matter of necessity, so that both of you can
have a joyous and enduring marital experiences. Finally, before you dive into
this marriage, you must remember that there are prices to pay, challenges to
face, things to endure, and as you know, the Bible does not support divorce
under any circumstances except for marital unfaithfulness. Therefore,
critically count the cost, be sure your man is ready and willing to stay with
you and remain faithful to your marital vows even when double chins sets in,
your breasts become saggy and your buttocks also sags. Do not shy away from
this reality, because dating a younger man can make you feel like you are in a
vocation from reality. Always remember the old saying: "if love is a
dream, marriage is the alarm clock."
Perhaps your
marriage is falling apart and you have tried all you could to keep things
together, but you keep seeing your efforts becoming futile, I will like to
introduce you to the greatest and matchless mender. His name is JESUS. He can
heal the brokenhearted, restore love and peace to your home, deliver your
spouse from drugs and porno- addiction, show the way to make things work for
you, and ultimately, He wants to save your soul from hell.
If you confess
with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised
him from the dead, you will be saved. Say this prayer with me: Lord Jesus, I
thank you for your love for me and for shedding your blood to save me. Jesus,
today, I confess you with my mouth that you are my Lord and Savior, and I
believe that God raised you from the dead.
Jesus, save my
soul, save my marriage, and make me yours forever. Thank you for saving me.
Amen! If you have said this prayers, congratulations! Locate a Bible believing
church you can attend, and make your Bible your daily companion. Shalom!
ABOUT AUTHOR
Ebenezer
Afolabi is the Pastor of Foursquare Gospel Church Hallelujah Quarters in Ibafo,
Ogun state, Nigeria. He is a sound teacher of God's word, a worship leader,
songwriter, and a passionate defender of the Christian faith. His common slogan
is, "God is still in the business of working miracles". This
expression is based on his many experiences of the supernatural power of God in
his life and ministry. He has authored four books which include God Can Be
Funny, Defending What You Believe, Biblical Support for Marrying Younger Men
and his latest book titled, Careless Wives, Unfaithful Husbands.
ebenezerafolabi54
@ gmail.com
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